The Nastyness begins

This part is not going to be nice to read, interesting to some though.  I just want to really give the reality of what took place through the past year and a half because most of the people involved, only heard her side (exwife) as the only thing I did was apologise over and over and beg over and over to see the girls.  Always with a no or a condition at the end of it.


At this point EW (Exwife) has started stalking my facebook page and my girls.  Making comments in emails to her friends, passing around leud emails she'd sent to either me or my girl to church memebers and laughing about it.... saving pictures we'd posted (well actually my girl because I'm in prison and don't have access to internet or computer).  Here are some examples of what she write her or I, her status comments in hopes my girl would read them and tell me in order to get me to phone and flip out.  I tried depseratly not to do that until one point which I'll get to later.

=====

My girl had posted a nice picture of me as my profile and soon I received a nasty email from the EW:
March 12, 2009 at 3:49pm Report
funny ... I remember taking this picture on the side of the road. XXX was the furthest thing from your mind.

My response - March 13, 2009 at 10:29am
I have memories too, but that's all they are, you are my past and xxxis my future, it's time for you to accept that and move on and be happy in your new life. Continuously making digs at xxx doesn't change the situation it only makes you petty, please be a bigger person and move on.

EW- March 15, 2009 at 7:24pm Report
Oh, I'm having fun with this message.
That's one thing that you never let me forget .... I will always be the bigger person.
Let me ask you something ...... how much is it gonna cost to get those 5 letters removed from your gut ..... and that little one? I know I wouldn't want to see them every time I go down. Oh .... and the poem on your arm, too. Then again, without PFV's maybe the ink will fade before she gets the chance to worry about it.
Given your state of mind and lapse of reason, I can understand how getting those removed might take priority over sending money for your children (quick, here's your chance to say I'm using my children as pawns). Afterall, Big Daddy ...... your "will" is being fed by XXX.

For the record, I agree that making digs as "you" said doesn't change the situation. And I really don't care if you or anyone else thinks that I'm being petty. I am fully aware of my behaviours and take accountability for what I do ...... Unlike some of us.


======

After that, I was upset and decided that it would be best not to contact EW or the girls, write her a letter saying we shoudl only have contact through Social Services to give her time to calm down.  Again another mistake I've make.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MY RESPONSE March 16, 2009 at 10:03am
I apologize for the "bigger person" comment. I didn't mean it like that.

I apologize for everything . I'm don't want to fight with you anymore. It's just going to perpetuate this pain.

You're the mother of our two beautiful children and at one point in our lives nothing mattered but them. I'll always be thankful to you for giving me the privilege of being a dad which I desperately want to be.

Also, for helping me through a lot of hard years battling my drug addiction. If it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't be alive. I think you're a good mom and regret all the comments I make out of hurt.

I hope with all my heart that you will allow me the privilege of seeing my children in the near future. What would you like to see me do? What responsibilities would you like me live up to?

Write me letting me know what those are, i will do my utmost to live up to them. I want what's best for our girls and I know you do too.

Send me your bank account numbers so that when and if I do come into some money, I'll can help you.

I wish you well and hope that one day, Somehow we'll find a way to try to have some kind of friendship for the sake of our children.

You will always have a piece of my heart.

-------------------------------------------


EW - March 21, 2009 at 1:09am
Whoa, I'm thinking it might be a good idea for you to talk to the doctor about maybe being Bi-Polar! Not that it would matter with a self medicator. I'm confused by this message even though I know it'sXXX 's typing. From phoning on our daughter's BIRTHDAY to call me names and slam the phone down to this nicely worded message is just weird. (That was just after I'd heard that I could go back to the Island becaues she was in a relationship with a Sex Offender who'd listed me as incompatable and was worried she was going to bring my girls around him)

Thanks for the apologies, but for the time being they really don't mean anything to me. And as for perpetuating the pain, the pain will subside as time goes by. Afterall, there's 14 years to make up for.

Yes, I am the mother of two beautiful children who are gifts of God. At one point in our life together it SEEMED that nothing else mattered, but there is a difference in our understandings of what matters. And for you to compare that I would feel like you if I didn't see the girls in over 7 months is just down right stupid.

I am the mother who worked fulltime AFTER delivering a daily newspaper during pregnancy AND with a newborn in tow. I am the mother who supported her husband and did everything in her power to fulfill her role as a wife. I am the mother who is trying to pick up the pieces from their broken family. I am the mother who has to watch HER LITTLE GIRL'S HEART BREAK every time she says, "I miss Daddy." I am the mother who has to swallow her pride when her 2 year old gets EXCITED by seeing a picture of her daddy. I am the mother who sat on a birthing ball to make sure the father COULD BE THERE FOR THE BIRTH!! So, if I didn't see our daughters  for several months I WOULD FEEL WORSE. Get your head outta your ass and off your pity pot.

You have played the "desperately want to be a dad" card way too much. If that was truly the case your choices would have been much different. For someone who wants to be a dad ....... a RESPONSIBLE dad you have a horrible way of expressing it.

Does a responsible dad (and you can pack your bags for this guilt trip) does a responsible dad bring his family on an outing that includes his lover? You didn't care enough about being responsible to even THINK about the gravity on all THREE girls. You have NO CLUE what that did to a little 4 year old girl!! You have NO CLUE what that did to a 10 year old girl ..... and to have her take a snapshot of you and your LOVER!!! So, you are right about how being a dad is a privilege. But with that privilege comes responsibility.

Think for a moment how our daughter felt when she told me about the kiss and saw my face go white. Think for a moment how our god daughter felt when she tried to help soften the blow after our daughter broke the news.

I tried to help you through a lot of hard years ....... HARD TIME, but I will not accept responsibility or accountability for you not being dead. Your flattery doesn't work on me anymore and I believe that true regret only comes with a contrite heart. You may feel sorry, but it would only be for yourself.

You commanded in your last letter that you want no contact unless it's through Social Services. That would be a bit difficult seeing as I have not been on Welfare since 1995. I know you were angry when you wrote that letter and you were defending your girl by putting her poor hurt feelings above our daughterss. So, I am compromising by choosing to use your IPO for correspondence between you and me. That said, allowing you the privilege of seeing the children will be documented and sent via your IPO. (which never came)

It does not matter what I would like to see you do because that never worked before. Your respsonsibilities that you NEED to live up to will be stated in the documents as well. And if you want what's best for our daughters  you can start by putting your game face on and at least call your daughters so they can hear your face and feel like you haven't completely abandoned them.

I will not send you bank account numbers because you know as well as I do that the postal service still provides us with our mail. Your grandparents, which by the way seems to have backed down and your mother have the address. Heck, your girl could even drop it off.

One day and somehow we may find a way to have some sort of friendship and the girls would like to see their parents get along.

I believe that I will always have 2 pieces of your heart ..... Our Daughters. And you will always have a piece of mine ...... the piece that got ripped out this past year.

Remember to not get over confident with your privacy while at the social because although your girl might be willing, is the risk worth it? Man up and be responsible.

More from EW - March 24, 2009 at 12:01am Report
Well, don't I feel silly. It was so late when I sent the last message I didn't realize that I made a couple errors so I'll just correct them now.

.... at least call your daughters so they can hear your VOICE and feel like you haven't COMPLETELY abandoned them.

One day and somehow we may find a way to have some sort of friendship and the girls would like to see their parents get along. THIS IS WHAT I MEANT TO SAY:

For the sake of the children ..... "fake it 'til you make it". Sometimes SOME things can be faked until they're made, but don't get your hopes up about a friendship, certainly not amongst the 3 of us ..... or 4 if I get so lucky to find someone who I would consider to include in my life with our daughters.

I believe that I will always have 2 pieces of your heart ..... our daughters. And you will always have a piece of mine ...... the piece that got ripped out this past year.

And I'm going to add:
I have no doubt that there will be more "mud slinging" because there are alot of hurt feelings and pain involved. For me, I project my anger, hurt, bitterness and resentment because I spent so many years standing by you and never believed that it would end. So many years I invested in our relationship and all I get in return is abuse. I still have emotional stock and I refuse to lay down and not fight back.

I think I took to heart that he was my proverbial knight in shining armour. And in return I felt obligated IN WHAT I UNDERSTOOD TO BE LOVE in order to help him as much as I could.
When it came to his first divorce.
When it came to understanding him being an addict.
When it came to following him over to XXX.
When it came to dealing with his hormones and other cheat in prison.
When it came to fighting for his passes.
When it came to supporting him with on XXX.
When it came to supporting him while on the XXX(Twice).
When it came to dealing with his cheating while pregnant with DAUGHTER ONE.
When it came to fighting for his transfer back from XXX.
When it came to building a support network.
When it came to fighting for our marriage.
When it came to ensuring his presence for daughter two's birth.
When it came to fighting for his parole.

I am BY NO MEANS denying any part I had in our marriage breakdown. But never did I think it would END. We exchanged vows and when we did I believed it would last forever. Unfortunately, forever didn't last.

My Response  March 24, 2009 at 10:40am
  I think the problem is that we're bantering back and forth. You say in you refuse to to lay down and not fight back. What are you fighting for? What are you trying to achieve?

I refuse to fight with you and as long as youlr interested in mud slinging, I will not call or have any contact.

I love my children and would love to see and talk to them, but we need to solve this thing between us first, or at least be able to have a civilized conversation which include answers.

I don't expect you to 'do the work for me' as far as seeing the girls, but at least let me know WHO you'd let bring them in to see me.

Take care.