Invitation for GF to bring over birthday gifts for Daughter to EW's Home

EW  July 7, 2009 at 2:52pm  

When I got home there was a message from his mom that they were just leaving Port Alice and that they will be getting a room for the night. They might be disappointed because if they want to spend time with the girls they're gonna have to wait until I'm off work tomorrow .... unless they make it early enough today. 

 

 July 7, 2009 at 6:50pm  

Just lettin you know that they made it to town about an hour ago. Murphy's Law lined it up so we'll have a visit tomorrow.

As far as "semi" goes .... only if that applies to feeling like I got hit by one, lol.

No digs intended .... it's just been one of those days (week, really) where I'm feeling resentful toward Jason because I get to handle these two little firecrackers on my own. In short, feeling sorry for myself .... and it wouldn't make a difference if your relationship with him was different. His choices = my consequences sometimes.

 

GF -  July 7, 2009 at 7:08pm

I feel for you, you know. I was thinking about that last night actually. I know things are crap right now and the line of events that took place over the past year have not made things easy in any sense. But, if you want to hear my view...

I think you're so lucky to have those two girls. Take it from me. A gal who spent 8 years of my life with some one who promised marriage, promised babies but when it came down to it, decided he (in his words) wanted to go live in the woods and be a hobo, yet two years later ends up marrying some one else with two kids. I understand resentment as well. 

 

EW - July 8, 2009 at 9:55pm  

Youch ... no doubt you understand resentment. The good news is that you're still young and take it from me .... only who you believe in as your higher power knows the plans for you. Fuck, I just deleted everything I had typed out by accident.

Anyway, I don't have the energy and time to re-type it so I guess it was meant to be.

Also, I'm sorry I didn't have the time to find some images in time for tomorrow. If it's something you still wanna do down the road as a "just because" thing, we can work on that. Otherwise, whatever you choose I'm fine with ..... presuming there might be a gift of another kind. If that's the case, I forgot to request nothing that is liscenced as Hannah Montana, Bratz, that kind of thing that's more suitable for an older age category.

have a good night.
Heike
p.s. The visit with Nan and Shirley today was incident free! 

 

GF - July 9, 2009 at 9:14am

I've picked up a little something already. I'm of the same opinion as far as the type of gift. Strickly age appropriate.

So, just let me know what time is good for you. I'll be doing laundry so, the break would be welcome.

Oh. BTW. How do I get to your place? I know the road but don't know how to get in there. 

 

 

EW - July 9, 2009 at 5:27pm Report

Hey, .
Just got home and thought I'd check before I start on dinner.

Anytime is good between now and the next couple hours. I try to get the gremlin to bed around 7 or 7.30 and then Sadie between 8.30 & 9.

Drive into the parking lot and our place is right across from the visitor parking (visitor parking is immediately on your left). After you get out of your car, face the balcony and it's the one on the right hand side ... head up the stairs, quick left and you'll see the mailboxes.

Ring the doorbell if we're not outside to make sure I can hear you.
Thanks.

We split up (GF and I ) Messaging w/ EW

GF April 4, 2009 at 8:00pm 
 I will not be passing your messages on to Jason. I'm out. You can pound your chest in triumph as your 'scored woman' saga paid off well for you.

The pressure you've put on me and MY FAMILY as well as the guilt trips you're playing on him have made him push me aside.

For the life of me, I don't know he see in a hurtful, verbally abusive, manipulative woman like you. The things you have said to and about me and him are DISGUSTING. You've played every one like an fiddle, my family included.

So, you got what you wanted. You guys deserve each other. I'm out.


 EW April 4, 2009 at 9:41pm  

As much as I appreciate you replying to me I don't believe you nor does it have any real bearing on my life.

Something Jason used to say to me is that I couldn't make him do anything. Where the guilt trips are concerned .... as I've stated before they are childish, but they are also warranted.

When someone takes a guilt trip, would the trip not be shorter if the burden of our actions were less? What I mean is that when we make poor choices there are natural consequences and if we make less poor choices then there in turn would be less guilt trips. In my eyes guilt is a healthy thing to be in touch with because it marks a difference between someone who has a conscience and someone who doesn't. If we don't want to feel guilty then it is up to us to make the better choices. We are not responsible for the decisions of others, even when we provoke them.

The 'Scorned Woman Saga' .... hmm, not sure what to say except that everything I shared was truth. Not once did I deny that I am scorned. Not once did I deny that I am acting in immature ways.

The pressure you claim is something that came as a result of your actions. Feel free to blame me all you want, but I think you are intelligent enough to realize that you brought it on yourself.

If by "My Family" you mean your sister and the kids .... I have yet to be told by them how bad the pressure I applied to them is. Their choice to stay in touch with me and include me in on events tells me that I haven't put them in the proverbial pressure cooker to the point of being overdone. So, is it fair to speak on their behalf? Besides, I've never been musically inclined so to play a fiddle in tune would be difficult for me.

Says she who emailed John Howard Society trying to roast Kevin ..... Being a "hurtful, verbally abusive, manipulative woman like you. The things you have said to and about me and him are DISGUSTING."
Hmm, Shall we revisit the What is Disgusting opinion lists? And at the risk of being hurtful or verbally abusive .... he helped me hone in on those skills.

Would you be so kind as to enlighten me on what exactly it is I want?

And if this message is not a charade and the event is actually true ..... find solace knowing that you didn't spend 14 years and then get kicked to the curb.

Whether you want to hear this or not, ..... I don't hate you. I feel sorry for you and I even struggle with the feeling of needing to forgive you. Ask your sister about my dream I shared with her.

------------------------------------------------------------------

GF  April 4, 2009 at 10:56pm

What I wrote you is true.

I know you are being honest when you talk to me or my family about me. What I've done to you and your girls, my own sister and her family is, in my eyes, unforgivable and know I can't fix any of it even if I tried.

I don't even know what to say anymore. I've never felt so hated by so many people in all my life. I've always been a good person up till my desires got the better of me.

I've turned into a liar, & deceiver, an untrustworthy person and find it hard to live with to tell you the truth.

You're right. You've been right all along and I know it. I didn't want to hear/read it, but have to thank you for keeping that part of me, the part that wanted to imagine what I was doing was for 'love', anchored.

I'm sorry for ripping apart your family. I'm sorry for the lies I've told. I'm sorry for the extreme pain I've caused for you and your family/friends because I was only thinking of myself.

I hate who i've turned into. i don't even recognize myself in the mirror each day. Some times I think to myself "Who ARE you? Where'd I go"?

I'm not asking forgiveness or sympathy from anyone I've hurt, yourself included because I don't deserve it. I won't except it if it were ever to be offered, even from my family.

I am hurt that they've chosen to care more for you than me. Some people say blood is thicker than water, but in my case, with every thing I've done, that is simply not true and I don't blame them one bit.

I'm sorry for the Kevin thing too. I wasn't proud of that and thought I was helping Jason protect his girls. that was what that was about. Nothing more. I'm sorry.

I know you're probably going to have a come back email for me saying exactly what's on your mind. Again, I don't blame you for your fury. I have gotten, am getting and probably will get exactly what I deserve. I brought this on myself.

Don't forgive me, I don't deserve it. I've destroyed your home and family.

Please tell my family when you see them next that I'm sorry as well. I'm going to leave them all alone because I can't face them knowing what I've done to them and what they think of me. No matter how Christianity people try to be, there is always residual resentment, hurt and judgment. Even the thought of "Yeah, well, She got what she deserved didn't she". And they're all right.

I hate myself probably more than your whole church, you, your family, your friends, and some of my friends after your note to them combined. I don't know if I am able to live with it. I haven't decided which way out I'll would take, but know in my heart, I can't keep going carrying this weight.

I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say.

 

EW - April 5, 2009 at 12:58am Report

  , I disagree with you (big surprise, I know). Forgiveness comes to every level of disappointment. When we make gross errors in our choices there is always hope as long as there is effort in trying to correct ourselves.

I can relate with you on feeling empty. I can relate with you on feeling alone (and I'm not just talking about our current situation). And we all make choices at one point in our lives or another that are impulsive, hasty and with misfired passion. This is not just an old adage, but we are all good people, it is our behaviours that steer us in the wrong direction.

Sometimes some of us make the same mistakes because we have a hard time finding that "Ah-Ha" moment where everything will just click into gear. It doesn't mean that the hill we have to climb won't have bumps along the way or that we won't lose grip. And that is insanity .... when we do things over and over again expecting a different outcome. The bottom line is that it is our choice on whether or not we are going to press forward, try to make a different choice so we don't have to endure the same pain next time. And I think that's where my explanation earlier came in. It's about me, regaining my soul and spirit.

Please know that part of my "fight" with you wasn't necessarily about being right. Alot of it has to do with bringing you awareness in hopes of saving you some wasted time and pain. That's not to say that Jason isn't worthy of love, because he is .... JUST LIKE THE REST OF US. I don't know exactly why, but a big part of me just wants to do whatever I can to help prevent someone else from getting hurt to the same degree as I did. As if I have control of it anyway. Again, it's not just about my/our current situation. I have plenty of years under my belt of unnecessary hurt that could have been avoided.

I appreciate and accept your apologies, for your contribution, but you are not solely responsible. If my marriage was strong enough to begin with the breakdown wouldn't have happened. My apology for being rude, but here's a sarcastic news flash .... we already knew that you were thinking of yourself. Being accountable and taking responsibility of our actions is a huge step. Be strong knowing that you've taken it!

The answer to your question is that U are still in there, lost in the shell of deceit that was brought on by impulse and misled by desire.

And although you're not asking for it, one beauty of forgiveness is that when we choose to forgive the recipient doesn't even have to know we're doing it. And again, I disagree .... whether you think you deserve it or not, it is still attainable. Sympathy on the other hand I do agree with you on that, and frankly you don't get it from me. Probably empathy is something I could offer you.

I know you feel that your family is showing more care for me. Whether that is true or not I don't know. What I do know is that they love you and feel for you. I know for a fact from conversations with Bekkah that she adores you.

As for the Kevin thing ..... I know the motive behind it and I understand why you did it. My suggestion if there is a next time would be this ..... make sure you have the facts first. With Kevin specifically you can look him up yourself on the internet and in plain text it says, "alleged". And there is nothing to protect the girls from, but I do accept your apology.

You were right ... here I am emailing you with what's on my mind. However, it is not in fury and it is not in hatred nor is it in a smokescreen.

I'm going to give you yet another piece of unsolicited advice ..... change your way of thinking because that is what will keep you poisoned and will help you create a self fulfilling prophecy.

I may or may not forgive you regardless of what you feel because that is my burden to either carry or bury. And as I said at the beginning of this letter, you contributed to the damage of my life but you are not solely responsible.

I have sent Steve a copy of this message, so you've pretty much apologized to them yourself. Christian people, as we are so loosely referred to are also human beings. That is part of the reason why there are so many misconceptions. Just because we believe in Christ does not mean that we won't falter. Judgement, unfortunately is everywhere .... inside and outside the church.

Again, .... I don't hate you. I am sad for you because I can relate to the pain. You and I may have so much more in common than we realize. Your true friends won't deny you because of my actions. Your true friends will stand at the finish line coaching you along and congratulating you for not giving up. Consider how someone who's lost a child can find the strength to carry on. Sounds like lyrics to a song, lol
Sorry, I'm tired I don't mean to make light of your feelings. My point is that noone, and I mean NOONE ..... is worth taking yourself completely away.

One way out is to take a deep breath, don't look up to see how far you have to go but just soldier on .... one step at a time.

Dishing out shit and still expects him to call

.... at least call your daughters so they can hear your VOICE and feel like you haven't COMPLETELY abandoned them.

I have no doubt that there will be more "mud slinging" because there are alot of hurt feelings and pain involved. For me, I project my anger, hurt, bitterness and resentment because I spent so many years standing by my exhusband and never believed that it would end. So many years I invested in our relationship and all I get in return is abuse. I still have emotional stock and I refuse to lay down and not fight back.


March 24 at 10:40am
Me -  I think the problem is that we're bantering back and forth. You say in you refuse to to lay down and not fight back. What are you fighting for? What are you trying to achieve?

I refuse to fight with you and as long as youlr interested in mud slinging, I will not call or have any contact.

I love my children and would love to see and talk to them, but we need to solve this thing between us first, or at least be able to have a civilized conversation which include answers.

I don't expect you to 'do the work for me' as far as seeing the girls, but at least let me know WHO you'd let bring them in to see me.

Take care.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EW to Me
This bantering as you call it has not been entirely amusing. I am simply trying to express what's going on in me. Everything I've stated was done truthfully.

I don't expect you or anyone else to understand why I feel a need to fight. I spent so many years being abused so I feel I owe it to myself to fight against the character attacks. So in a sad way (or in your words, 'pathetic') what I'm fighting for is peace within myself so I don't feel like I've just laid down to take the beatings. It's stupid, it's childish and as far as I know a waste of time and energy in other people's minds, but I don't much care. So, in short .... I'm fighting for my dignity in order to achieve a sense of peace in myself knowing that I didn't go down without a fight, even if it is futile.

No matter how we try not to give in, our emotions just sometimes get the better of us and that's how the mud slinging occurs. I agree that we ought to be civilized with one another. However, for you to back out of contacting the girls because you (or we) can't put differences aside for a short time is only an excuse. Jason, do you remember how you felt when your Dad refused to come to our wedding because he wouldn't set aside the crap between him and your Mom for the afternoon? By putting our differences aside temporarily is an example of how we can fake it until we make it.

Given my actions, whether you choose to believe it or not I do miss exchanging dialogue with you . At the risk of being nostalgic (sorry, GF) I miss hearing your voice as do the girls and miss just joking around with no fear of repercussion. And if we're going to solve this "thing" between us we all need to remember that it's going to take hard work, time and some uncomfortable realities and uncomfortable moments. Yup, this is from my pity party: In my opinion ... you have the comfort and ease of not having your wounds get salted every time the girls say, "I miss Daddy" or accomplish something new. We'll be driving along and Sadie has another memory to share with me. And sometimes Gracie sees someone who resembles you and shouts, "My Daddy!" It's uncomfortable for me, but I don't take those moments away from the girls. I get to smile and nod, agree with them and move on even though I'm bothered.

What answers are you looking for? Except of course the ones that have to do with accessing the girls. It really isn't hard to figure out who I find acceptable to bring the girls in to see you. It needs to be someone I am confident will be objective enough to maintain the visit in a way where the girls won't be subjected to bad mouthing. Something I will share with you is that Steve offered to bring the girls over, provided all expenses are prepaid .... as is the expectation with however the girls get over for a visit.

Of course there's me, but unless they're willing to make an exception to the rule that won't happen. Which is unfortunate because next week we'll be over in the valley for Bill's memorial and it would have been less expensive for you to contribute.

The only thing I have left to add is a request to respect me and the girls by not flaunting your affair. You've said time and time again how you want to be a good dad. Alongside with responsibility comes respect and that includes respecting their wishes to hear your voice.

Thanks for hearing me out again. Please call.
EW

Right after the What's Disgusting Saga Email - She sends this.....

April 4, 2009 at 12:53am Report

Please ask my exhusband to call .... the girls miss hearing his voice.
BTW .... if you have no reason to ever have anything to do with me in this life time you might want to reconsider your plans with my exhusband. The girls are part of the package, which means I am too .... unless of course you have my exhusband convinced that he will never have anything to do with the girls ever again. 

 

The reason i wasn't calling was because of the nastiness she throws around.  Why would anyone want to be submitted to that.  For doing nothing.... this poor girl just put a posting on her page that had nothing to do with anyting EW knew and ........

What's Disgusting Saga

My Girl had posted her status saying that she thought it was disgusting that women use their children as pawns against the fathers. This was an email she received out of the blue from EW:

EW February 23, 2009 at 12:16am Report
What is disgusting are husbands who cheat on their wives and the children are left behind in a trail of shit.
What is disgusting are women who exploit their affairs in front of her lover's children ..... and include them on their adultress outings.
What is disgusting are women who think they are in love with another woman's husband, but are a mere convenience to his cause.
What is disgusting are women who aid and abet their married lovers and harbour him while he's on the lam.
What is disgusting are women who don't know the whole story yet they believe whatever comes out of the mouth of a cheating, lying, drug addicted, endangering coward because he knows how to get her off.
What is disgusting are women who flaunt their adultress affairs on public forums.
What is disgusting are women who abuse their jobs so they can carry on a long distance affair while they are supposed to be working.
What is disgusting are women who create alter egos because they try to live out a fantasy.
What is disgusting are women who believe they can walk into a ready made family.
What is disgusting are women who don't think about the rest of their family when they post provocative photos and comments on a public forum.
What is disgusting are women who inject themselves into their affairs so much that they forget there are children.
What is disgusting are adulterers who think that the world revolves around them.
What is disgusting are the people who have the nerve to judge a situation when they don't have the facts.


My Girls response to this was:
February 23, 2009 at 5:41am
You're last comment is one you should consider. Obviously you think I was talking about you. I WASN'T!!

I'm sick of your attacks on me. I was actually going to write you this week and try to apologize my part in ruining your life and the lives of your children.... For the extreme pain I've caused.

Keeping with the CHRISTIAN HYPOCRITICAL WAYS, I'm glad you could point out some of my mistakes SO WELL.

I'm not going to talk about you're part in the break down of your marriage, that's for you and Bob to figure out when you're ready. BUT I'm not going to take all the blame either. There's probably nothing I can say that will even come close to what you need to hear. I am disgusted with myself. I wish I could change it all.

You should know I will not have anything to do with your children and if you guys ever find a way to let him see them, I won't be anywhere near out of respect for you. I don't think that's right. I've caused enough confusion. I've told Jason that as well.

You might remember that YOU are now having an affair as well. (with an accused sex offended in William Head so that jason couldn`t go there and we couldn`t be together).

You might remember that YOU are now having an affair as well. __________________________ MY RESPONSE

What is disgusting are women who exploit their affairs in front of her lover's children ..... and include them on their adultress outings. - I AGREE AND AM DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF.

What is disgusting are women who think they are in love with another woman's husband, but are a mere convenience to his cause. - THIS VERY WELL COULD BE THE CASE, WE'LL HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE I GUESS.

What is disgusting are women who aid and abet their married lovers and harbour him while he's on the lam. - OR WOMEN WHO BRING IN DRUGS TO PRIONS FOR THEIR LOVED ONES TO SELL AND SUPPORT THEIR DRUG HABIT IN THE FIRST PLACE AND SOULY BLAME HIM FOR THEIR PROBLEMS TOGETHER??

What is disgusting are women who don't know the whole story yet they believe whatever comes out of the mouth of a cheating, lying, drug addicted, endangering coward because he knows how to get her off. - ACTUALLY HE DOESN'T KNOW COZ I'VE NOT LET HIM YET. BUT NOW I CAN'T WAIT.

What is disgusting are women who flaunt their adultress affairs on public forums. - YOU DO IT TOO.

What is disgusting are women who abuse their jobs so they can carry on a long distance affair while they are supposed to be working. - IF I WANT TO WRITE A LETTER WHILE I'M ON BREAK,THAT'S MY BUSINESS. ARE YOU STALKING ME?

What is disgusting are women who create alter egos because they try to live out a fantasy. - I THOUGHT IT WAS A CUTE NAME. I HAVE OTHER ONES FOR HIM TOO, BIG DADDY, BENNY, JJ, WORMY.....

What is disgusting are women who believe they can walk into a ready made family. - I AGREE, I'M DISGUSTING.

What is disgusting are women who don't think about the rest of their family when they post provocative photos and comments on a public forum. - WHAT ABOUT ALL THE ONES YOU HAD UP FROM WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER? YOUR CHURCH IS YOUR FAMILY AND THEY SAW THEM.....

What is disgusting are women who inject themselves into their affairs so much that they forget there are children.... OR WOMEN WHO RECEIVE GIFTS FROM THEIR AFFAIR PARTNER FOR THEIR CHILDREN TO SLEEP IN..... MAYBE?

What is disgusting are adulterers who think that the world revolves around them. - I NEVER ONCE HAD A PARTICULAR THOUGHT THAT THE WORLD REVOLVED/REVOLVES AROUND ME. IN FACT, I SPENT QUITE A LOT OF TIME YESTERDAY TRYING TO CONVINCE SOME ONE NOT TO JUST DROP YOU GUYS ALL TOGETHER BECAUSE AT ALMOST EVERY TURN, SOME ONE IS CREATING OBSTACLES AND PUSHING BUTTONS. I'M THE ONE WHO'S GIVING HIM THE WILL TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO TALK TO HIS DAUGHTERS. HE KNOWS THAT HE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RECTIFY THE PAST YEAR IN YOUR EYES AND YOU'LL DO EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO CAUSE AS MUCH HEARTACHE AS HE'S CAUSED YOU, BUT SO DOES EVERY ONE ELSE AROUND YOU. DON'T THINK THEY DON'T.
AND BY YOU WRITING THIS EMAIL TO ME ON A COMMENT I MADE ABOUT MY FRIENDS ' XWIFE.... SAYS YOU'RE AN ADULTERER WHO THINKS THE WORLD REVOLVES AROUND HER.

What is disgusting are the people who have the nerve to judge a situation when they don't have the facts. - YOU'RE RIGHT. A LOT OF PEOPLE DO THAT. I'M DEFINITELY ONE OF THEM.

So, out of this exercize, we've established that you, as a christian, has judged me as disgusting. You don't have to look at yourself or your actions because you've been hurt by your husband having an affair - AGAIN. You don't have to look at the affair you had with another woman, or the one you're having now. You don't have to shine a light on yourself because you're one of GODS children and he loves you and forgives you your mistakes. As long as you have that you can do anything and treat any one how you please. I guess that's truely what being a Christian is about. Sitting in your ivory tower. How's the view up there?

STOP CONTACTING ME. I want NOTHING to do with you and have no reason to ever in this life time.

After GF posted her status as coming to see my for the weekend

A lovely message from EW to my girl:

March 18, 2009 at 4:40pm  

You can tell MY husband that I'm still waiting for the divorce papers. Oh well, guess you'll have to change your wedding plans for next year.

First contact between EW and GR on Facebook

My girl runs my FB page and posted some pictures of me and my kids from my mothers computer to my page because they were my family..  EW snuck on the page and saw them and here we go:

 EW v-January 5, 2009 at 7:47pm  

Please remove the photos of my daughters  from your facebook albums. I DO NOT CONSENT to you posting these without my knowledge. Thank you. 

 

GF - January 5, 2009 I appologise for offending you. I wasn't thinking. i just wanted them to print, they were from his mom and that was the only way I could get them home coz I coudlnt' burn them to CD.
I'm really sorry, I didn't mean anything by it at all. I've removed them from my page. 

 

EW - January 5, 2009 THANK YOU FOR REMOVING THE PHOTOS.
That said, at the risk of perpetuating an immature thread, you are aware of how to save images without posting them on facebook, let alone creating an album. For you to say that was the only way to get them home is rediculous and insulting to my intelligence, especially with your photography skills.

It is also adding insult to injury, especially by using such a public forum.
It is not just about offending me, but there are common people in our lives and there are the feelings of our daughters to consider.
I am aware that you are only doing what you feel is helping morale.
For your sake I honestly hope that you discover catering to others to fulfill their every want and need will only bring you down. It is emotionally, physically and financially exhausting.  Good luck with your relationship. 

 

GF - January 5, 2009 I was respectful to you and removed those pictures even though I have permission ahead of time.

What we all should be doing is focusing on healing and moving on with our lives, what ever paths they may be rather than keeping the wounds open.

May Buddah bless you and good luck with you relationship too.  Please do not contact me again.