Dishing out shit and still expects him to call

.... at least call your daughters so they can hear your VOICE and feel like you haven't COMPLETELY abandoned them.

I have no doubt that there will be more "mud slinging" because there are alot of hurt feelings and pain involved. For me, I project my anger, hurt, bitterness and resentment because I spent so many years standing by my exhusband and never believed that it would end. So many years I invested in our relationship and all I get in return is abuse. I still have emotional stock and I refuse to lay down and not fight back.


March 24 at 10:40am
Me -  I think the problem is that we're bantering back and forth. You say in you refuse to to lay down and not fight back. What are you fighting for? What are you trying to achieve?

I refuse to fight with you and as long as youlr interested in mud slinging, I will not call or have any contact.

I love my children and would love to see and talk to them, but we need to solve this thing between us first, or at least be able to have a civilized conversation which include answers.

I don't expect you to 'do the work for me' as far as seeing the girls, but at least let me know WHO you'd let bring them in to see me.

Take care.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EW to Me
This bantering as you call it has not been entirely amusing. I am simply trying to express what's going on in me. Everything I've stated was done truthfully.

I don't expect you or anyone else to understand why I feel a need to fight. I spent so many years being abused so I feel I owe it to myself to fight against the character attacks. So in a sad way (or in your words, 'pathetic') what I'm fighting for is peace within myself so I don't feel like I've just laid down to take the beatings. It's stupid, it's childish and as far as I know a waste of time and energy in other people's minds, but I don't much care. So, in short .... I'm fighting for my dignity in order to achieve a sense of peace in myself knowing that I didn't go down without a fight, even if it is futile.

No matter how we try not to give in, our emotions just sometimes get the better of us and that's how the mud slinging occurs. I agree that we ought to be civilized with one another. However, for you to back out of contacting the girls because you (or we) can't put differences aside for a short time is only an excuse. Jason, do you remember how you felt when your Dad refused to come to our wedding because he wouldn't set aside the crap between him and your Mom for the afternoon? By putting our differences aside temporarily is an example of how we can fake it until we make it.

Given my actions, whether you choose to believe it or not I do miss exchanging dialogue with you . At the risk of being nostalgic (sorry, GF) I miss hearing your voice as do the girls and miss just joking around with no fear of repercussion. And if we're going to solve this "thing" between us we all need to remember that it's going to take hard work, time and some uncomfortable realities and uncomfortable moments. Yup, this is from my pity party: In my opinion ... you have the comfort and ease of not having your wounds get salted every time the girls say, "I miss Daddy" or accomplish something new. We'll be driving along and Sadie has another memory to share with me. And sometimes Gracie sees someone who resembles you and shouts, "My Daddy!" It's uncomfortable for me, but I don't take those moments away from the girls. I get to smile and nod, agree with them and move on even though I'm bothered.

What answers are you looking for? Except of course the ones that have to do with accessing the girls. It really isn't hard to figure out who I find acceptable to bring the girls in to see you. It needs to be someone I am confident will be objective enough to maintain the visit in a way where the girls won't be subjected to bad mouthing. Something I will share with you is that Steve offered to bring the girls over, provided all expenses are prepaid .... as is the expectation with however the girls get over for a visit.

Of course there's me, but unless they're willing to make an exception to the rule that won't happen. Which is unfortunate because next week we'll be over in the valley for Bill's memorial and it would have been less expensive for you to contribute.

The only thing I have left to add is a request to respect me and the girls by not flaunting your affair. You've said time and time again how you want to be a good dad. Alongside with responsibility comes respect and that includes respecting their wishes to hear your voice.

Thanks for hearing me out again. Please call.
EW